Crispy Phoenix

Musings on life in LA while chasing a Hollywood writing career

Somebody Walks in LA

And yes, that somebody is Me! I’m having some car problems at the moment so I’m walking around town until I get the money to have my brakes fixed. [Disclaimer: I will attempt to draw for you in this post].

Today, I walked to the library (3 miles), twice to CVS and once to Trader Joe’s (2 miles). I expect to be the size of a reed of grass soon, which Library drawingof course, would be an awesome byproduct of having a broken car. I take the bus to work. It’s not so bad. The ride in the morning is quiet and filled with sleeping passengers. By the time it gets to my house from downtown, there’s nowhere to sit. I don’t mind standing. After only a week of riding at 6:35am, the driver knows me. It’s interesting to watch him. Some crazy dude wanted to get on the bus yesterday morning but we were at the light and not the bus stop across the intersection. He just looked at the dude through the glass and shook his head no. The guy on the street did a weird dance and then laid down on the concrete. The bus driver’s a cool dude.

Before all the walking today, I went to work. I know. I made a friend at work recently and we discovered we live very close by each other. She had to go in today and I went with her since we’re working on the same project. But no sooner did I sit down at my desk did I get sleepy.

I like what I do as a day job. I’m a project manager. It soothes the non-creative side of the brain; the part that likes to compartmentalize things. I’m good at it. But, my hours are out of control – as if you couldn’t tell. I just said I went to work on a Saturday. I know I’m not the only person to do that, but one Saturday has now become many. I’m tired all the time. My pace at work is so fast I never change out of my sneakers. That’s right. I’m in a suit with sneakers. I’m like Ellen. Except without being gay or owning Santa Barbara or having a wildly successful talk show and looking fab while aging.

The other morning I seriously thought I was losing my memory because I couldn’t remember completing certain tasks the day before. After sneaking outside for a few moments of fresh air, I realized it’s because I’m tasked with so many unrelated assignments all due at the same time, it’s impossible to remember the little steps. I felt so scared that morning. I read a note I wrote myself and couldn’t remember writing it or what it was about. So naturally I hit up Google for symptoms of early memory loss and remedies. Luckily, I couldn’t find anything pertaining to myself specifically memory loss due to project management of a sinking ship.

My boss has always been supportive of me since I started in the department early this past summer. He even went to my old manager to tell her how wonderful I am. So, when the brakes went out on my car, I sucked up my pride and confronted him on his plans for my future since he’s always hinting bonuses and raises and promotions. That’s what has kept me going all this time. I’ve busted ass; put in LONG hours; taken on additional work. I’ve been there in the time of need. Eager. Hungry.


I told him my situation and then asked for an advance. So now he tells me that I’m low on the list of raises and the bonuses at this Company are really small, but all I hear is that I should get a job somewhere else.

Banktanic It’s no secret the company is going down in flames but I thought I was… well… I don’t know what I thought. Maybe that I was an important cog in his factory wheel. I closed his office door on my way out and that, my friends, is when I finally, finally, finally checked out of this job.

I scurried to the ladies room to flush my feelings of betrayal because this is business and glass and steel and marble don’t have feelings. I ran into a coworker who stops to tell me she just gave notice. We talk. I blob out my story to her. She wants to help me she says. I tell her where I want to work and guess what? She knows someone there!

This is a first for me in LA. No one ever seems to know anybody anywhere here. So stay tuned as this new job search is fueled with passion and confidence.

And… I know that what my boss iterated is done daily and others experience it and maybe I shouldn’t have expected anything, but I just thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel of being broke; that someone finally recognized my skills and talent and felt strongly that I should be rewarded for it. Indeed, I was crushed but I also knew profoundly where I stand and all at once I became strong.

In my mind, I’ve already quit and the relief is unequivocal. I look forward to walking out of this chapter.

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Blackouts, Naps, and Sunday

Hi Sunday!

I’m writing to you live from my dust covered desk wearing my house jeans and dirty hair. It took forever to get out of bed this morning. I kept laying there thinking about getting up and then saying no. It was so deliciously cold and cloudy and I don’t have a single obligation today.

Well, except for deciding what I will now carry to work for lunch. See, that didn’t happen last night like I said yesterday. I didn’t even watch White Collar, which I’m only watching because I’m thinking of writing a spec. It didn’t happen because we had a blackout. Which JUST HAPPENED AGAIN.

I am so not kidding. Literally, as I typed the word “blackout,” the power shut off. But only for a moment.

Unlike the two hours it was out last night. My god. The way I just said that you’d think I just lived through the Second Coming of Katrina.

My entire neighborhood was plunged into darkness for no one knows why at around 6:30; exactly when it’s now getting dark and I’m getting hungry. Oh, AND I had just put my sheets in the washer. Awesome.

I heard a boom and everything went silent and that’s when I realized how entirely unprepared for a California catastrophe I am so, I did what any self-serving first-world-country-dwelling person does; I blew out my air freshening candles and left in search of inexpensive, painless dinner and free wifi.

Before I left, I walked down the street to see if anyone else knew what was going on. I met a couple of beer swilling dads with their screaming three-year-old daughters and their infant-bouncing irritated-looking wives. Actually, I only met the one dad as in we exchanged names. He was on hold with the DWP.

The other dad was sucking on his longneck bottle so hard it’d make a thwop! sound when he’d pull it from his lips. He just looked at me glassy-eyed and said things like “Yep” and “Know it, man.” Even weirder? I wasn’t talking. The two wives, who I’m willing to bet are sisters, gave me nary a glance and kept their eyes peeled on the men. That’s because sober dad on the phone was hot and friendly. And, I was picking up some wandering energy from Sir Sucks-A-Lot. Ick.

Not sure where to go and a little irritated myself at the delicate nature of the power grids in Los Angeles, I made my way to a little sandwich joint over by the Grove. Holy beezus.. did you hear me just now? That sounded so much like my grandmother… a little sandwich shop. Everything’s little with grandmothers. Even grandmothers are little. Does anyone have a big grandma?


My view while eating a chicken sandwich… in case you were wondering what I look at while eating chicken sandwiches

Okay, so this post is already too long, but I need to say that also, I’m a little pissed right now because I laid in bed until noon unable to sleep after waking at 7 and guess what? I’m sleepy. It’s my only day off!!!! I cannot be sleepy!!!

Damn. I see a nap in my near future. Please enjoy this quiz.


I was invited to a ginormous Halloween party in Hollywood last night but didn’t go because:

A) What to wear?

B) I wanted to watch a show that I’m not really that into?

C) Saturday night is my only night to relax

D) Blackout

E) I was afraid I would become overwhelmingly sleepy upon arrival

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You’ll Never Eat This Lunch In Any Town Again


We need to talk. Please have a seat.

I can’t go on like this… doing the same thing over and over again. I just can’t. But I mean, you know how it is… you get into a routine. You figure out what works for you and your schedule and you make it happen.

Until it stops happening.

I opened up my lunch container at work yesterday afternoon and there it was staring back at me. That same old baby lettuces from a bag with beets and chicken and red onion. I slammed the lid back on and tossed it into the dark recesses of the office refrigerator with a light that doesn’t work.

Friends… I simply cannot eat this salad again.

I have been eating this salad every day for the last billion years and I just can’t go one more day eating it.

I’ve gotten to where I look at the clock on my desk at lunch time with hunger and excitement. And then?

Dread… when I remember what I packed for lunch.

But wait! It gets worse.

I think to myself… “Well, I’ll just go downstairs and get something JUST TODAY ONLY to eat. I need something hardier, something warm.” And THAT’S how I find myself at the Greasy Grill on the mezzanine level of my office building where hearts go to die. Most of the time I WILL order a salad with dressing on the side.

But lately?? Nuh-huh. It’s become an excuse to eat oh I don’t know… a BURGER or KUNG PAO CHICKEN… two meals (of several) that sent my stomach into such agony I looked five months pregnant within 10 minutes of the last bite.

I have a lot of food maladies. I’m allergic to a couple of commonly known healthy things like spinach and avocados which are on EVERYTHING in California. Avocados here are like cheese in Texas. It’s freaking everywhere. Congratulations! Here’s your new car… smothered in mouthwatering melted cheddar.

I have a multitude of food sensitivities, too, and many of them to healthy foods like dark green veggies. AND get this, I can’t eat SUGAR either and MUST eat red meat to stave off the non-diabetic hypoglycemia.

Just shoot me now.

Now… before you get all in a huff and tell me that’s ridiculous and then irritatedly ask “What CAN you eat?” I will tell you first, I have the blood tests that identified the problems and B) I will answer you with “Nothing good” or “I still don’t know” or “Ugh” followed by a long sigh and a secret desire to shove my face in a bag of Oreos.

Remember when you were young and you could eat oily burgers and fries loaded with a buffet of condiments from a fast food joint in the middle of the night and wake up a few hours later with a fresh appetite? Oh and you were 125 soaking wet? Oh and you thought you were fat? I know. I KNOW.

Sometimes I feel like driving by the line at In and Out Burger and flipping everyone off. That wouldn’t look weird at all.

Anyways… I guess I’ll be researching new lunches tonight in my many specialized cookbooks and the diet plan given to me by my nutritionist while watching White Collar on Netflix. And THAT my friends is how you burn up a Saturday night when you’re old.

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